"This island that you own. Is it near the beach?" - Kelly Bundy
"I guess my cries this morning of 'If you're gonna use the car, please, please, I beg you, pick me up from work' was a little vague." - Al Bundy
"I have the same feeling of dread that I get when Peg finishes a romance novel." - Al Bundy
"The other curse: the minute a Bundy has good luck he immediately starts building up an equal amount of bad luck. It's simple Bundy-nomics." - Al Bundy
"Even if Kelly does leave, Bud's still here. And only having 1 kid at home is like only having 1 noose around your neck." - Al Bundy
"Peg, they're not leering at you. They're laughing at me." - Al Bundy
"This woman came in and she was so fat she actually had 3 smaller women orbiting around her." - Al Bundy
"Marcie, If I wanted a young, pretty, sexy  woman, why would I have married you." - Jefferson Darcy
"Spanish? I though it was just some English words I didn't understand." - Kelly Bundy
"The Bundy's don't celebrate birthdays. Sure it causes emotional harm, but it saves a couple of bucks in presents." - Al Bundy
"It's only cheating if you get caught." - Al Bundy
"Not with you. With you stamina's a bad thing. It prolongs the agony. I mean something that excites a man: sports." - Al Bundy
"Men have to do all the work. I'd love to just lie there and do nothing, throw out the occasional 'Oh, Baby.'" - Al Bundy
"Is that money in your pants, Al, or are you just...well, let's face it, we both know it's money." - Peg Bundy
"Why don't you get a second job? You know, lots of families are 2 income families." - Peg Bundy
"We will win in the Bundy tradition. We will cheat our heineys off." - Al Bundy
"Research will show you that the majority of your instruments of death are from the zombie-like daydreams of shoe salesmen." - Al Bundy
"Peg, except for the day before I met you, today is the happiest day of my life." - Al Bundy
"If I wanted intelligent conversation, I'd still be dating my teachers." - Kelly Bundy
"Peg, when you married me was it pre-meditated or a drive-by marriage?" - Al Bundy
"Are you absolutely sure you're my father?" - Bud Bundy
"Sure selling shoes is fun. But behind the glamour, it's like any other minimum wage slow death." - Al Bundy
"Be considerate and not point out the fact that the hair he's losing on his head is now growing out his nose and ears." - Peg Bundy
"Men. God love em. They're just children with pay checks." - Peg Bundy
"Family, before you go shopping, would you bring old Daddy's shotgun and stand close together?" - Al Bundy
"Al, Christmas without presents will be like our birthdays." - Peg Bundy
"As long as I'm not paying for it, nothing's too good for my wife." - Al Bundy
"The only time Al & I spent a weekend in the bedroom was when we had to hide from the kids 'cuz we forgot it was Christmas."  - Peg Bundy
"Al, I'm amazed your knuckles don't bleed when you walk." - Marcy Darcy
"This is no family. This is a lab experiment." - Al Bundy
"Guys may come and guys may go, but daddy's always daddy... well, at least until he jumps a freight train." - Al Bundy
"It must have been that old family tradition: marry a man, ruin his dreams, and move on." - Al Bundy
"We are Americans. We have the right to use the best toilet-system in the world." - Al Bundy
"I've got an egg and some M&M's. Does anyone want breakfast?" - Peg Bundy
"I feel lower than I did on my honeymoon when I realized that Al wasn't holding back." - Peg Bundy
"Kids, why didn't you tell me it was mom's birthday. I wouldn't have come home." - Al Bundy
"They have a security guard patrolling the wishing well around the mall so money will be a little tight for a while." - Al Bundy
"Hey, 'Anything Goes.' Kelly, that's your song." - Bud Bundy
"How come no date tonight, Bud? Couldn't get the wig on Buck?" - Kelly Bundy
"Bud, pretend it's any normal Saturday night. Turn the lights down low, put on some soft music and dial 1-800-No-Date." - Kelly Bundy
"You're trying to make me mad. It didn't work on our wedding night and it won't work now." - Peg Bundy
"You know, Kel, sometimes I can hear your brain coming to a halt." - Bud Bundy
"Computers and women are ruining the country" - Al Bundy
"The day that I stoop low enough to date a mannequin is the day that I truly earn the name Bundy." - Bud Bundy
"Who am I? Where am I? Oh, that's right. I'm Al Bundy. Oh no, Damn!" - Al Bundy
"Really, my mom would just light me a Lucky and send me off to school... - Al Bundy
"We've been married 17 years. Can't we just be friends?" -Al Bundy
"He wouldn't want to stay in Kelly's room and listen to the sailors coming in and out all night." - Bud Bundy
"He wouldn't want to stay in Bud's room and listen to him whisper 'I Love You' to his hand all night." - Kelly Bundy
"I'm a man, and a man's home is his coffin." - Al Bundy
"I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with."  -  Peg Bundy
"Kelly knows what she's doing, Bud. She's not an idiot... - Al Bundy
"Christmas isn't a time for regret. That's what anniversaries are for." - Al Bundy
"Get a job, me. God did not create this package to work." - Kelly Bundy
"Mine's in February. I'm an aquarium!" - Kelly Bundy
"Unlike me, someone cared enough for it to put a bullet through its head." - Al Bundy
"I cannot steal from my children...they lock their rooms." - Peg Bundy
"A milkshake means more to me than your happiness." - Bud Bundy
"It's just so unusual for me to see you with a date that doesn't require a patch kit." - Kelly Bundy
"Kelly, I got a date with this foreign exchange student so easy she makes you look like a calculus problem." - Bud Bundy
"Uh, dad. It's the new Rolling Stones video. That's not Buddy Ebsen. It's Keith Richards." - Bud Bundy
"Blondes have a reputation for being dumb....which we all know is a stereo system." - Kelly Bundy
"You are the best two kids any father accidentally ever had." - Al Bundy
"Rush Limbaugh could outrun the Dodge." - Buck Bundy
"If your mother wakes up and I know she will 'cuz she knows I hate that...." - Al Bundy
"Sorry, Kel, I forgot. The only talking that goes on on your dates is 'Keep the line moving.'" - Bud Bundy
"I have a natural appetite suppressant: 25 years of marriage." - Al Bundy
"The Bundy family motto is : It sees us. It insults us. We kick its ass." - Kelly Bundy
"Don't worry, mom. I'm going to call 911. Oh my God, I forgot the number." - Kelly Bundy
"As the Chinese philosopher, Unconscious, once said, 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have seen Lost in Space at all.'" - Kelly Bundy
"Mom, I know that Kelly is daddy's daughter, but me, I was just a one-night stand with some cool guy right?" - Bud Bundy
